Introduction

Alexithymia is a condition that poses significant challenges, especially among neurodivergents (ND) such as autistics and ADHDers. Characterized by difficulties in identifying, describing, and expressing emotions, alexithymia can lead to a range of emotional and social difficulties. This condition affects about 50% of autistics and 42% of adult ADHDers, often leading to misdiagnoses due to its overlapping symptoms with other emotional disorders.

The Challenge of Emotional Awareness

For those with alexithymia, recognizing and expressing emotions doesn’t come naturally. They might experience physical symptoms like blushing or a tense stomach but may struggle to connect these sensations with actual emotions. This can result in a limited emotional experience, typically dominated by feelings of frustration, anger, anxiety, and excitement, while more nuanced emotions remain elusive.

Emotional Blanking: A Defensive Mechanism

An outward manifestation of alexithymia is what I like to call “emotional blanking,” where individuals adopt a flat expression and limit outward displays of emotions. This can often be a defensive mechanism in response to stress or perceived threats and is thought to be a component of the emotional numbing associated with PTSD. This, unfortunately, is an all-too common experience NDs.

The Double-Edged Sword of Emotional Bypassing

In many ND individuals, alexithymia acts as a form of emotional bypassing—a protective mechanism shielding individuals from negative emotions. This bypassing is akin to ego defense mechanisms such as repression, intellectualization, and isolation of affect. While these strategies can provide temporary relief from emotional distress, they often hinder emotional processing and contribute to long-term issues like anxiety and depression.

The Impact of Withdrawing from Emotions

Despite the challenges it presents, alexithymia can be managed with effective strategies:

• Pause and Process: Take moments during emotional interactions to pause and reflect, allowing time to identify and articulate feelings.
• Utilizing Emotion Wheels: Tools like emotion wheels help in linking physical sensations and behaviors to emotions, aiding in better emotion recognition.
• Journaling Emotions: Writing about emotional experiences from a third-person perspective can help in recognizing and understanding emotions better.
• Engage the Wise Mind: Combining logical and emotional aspects of thinking can lead to a balanced understanding of situations and appropriate responses.
• Effective Communication: Employing techniques like DEAR MAN, or simply stating feelings and needs clearly, can improve emotional expression and interpersonal relationships.

Concluding Thoughts

Alexithymia in NDs is a complex condition, but understanding and managing it can significantly improve one’s quality of life. Employing structured strategies can help NDs experiencing alexithymia identify and express their emotions more easily, while increasing interpersonal and social success.